Fear of future, fear of death, fear of spiders,
fear of heights, fear of love, fear of not being enough, fear of being judged,
fear of ‘what others would think’… We all have certain fears. Those who say ‘I
have no fear, zilch’ have probably not met it yet… On the other hand, our fears
are not that bad. Actually, being fearless is not the point. A certain level of
fear will protect us like a blanket would do in a cold weather. As my esteemed
master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says: ‘Fear of death keeps life going; fear of
making mistakes protects the truth, fear of getting sick provides hygiene and
fear of suffering makes us fair individuals.’
In this article, we are going to tackle with
our fears that keep us from making a big leap by constituting a veil before our
eyes, a blockage on our path and shackles on our feet; those fears that take us
away from our authenticity and hinder us from fulfilling our potential.
According to Tony Robbins, if we have a hard
time making important decisions, the most fundamental reason behind it is the
fear based on the opinion ‘none will love me if I try and fail or if I am not
enough.’ I would like to share with you what I read, learned and understood
from fear experts.
1- You are not alone. Everyone has fears.
Even though this knowledge may seem simple; actually it’s extremely important.
2- Recognize your fears: what are the exact
things that you are afraid of? If you can exactly identify what you fear from,
then you will have come a long way in overcoming your fear. Fear can only exist
where there is no ignorance about that specific subject. For example, if you go
deeper in your fear of flying, you may possibly see that you cannot get on an
airplane actually because of your fear of death. Searching about death and collecting
information about what death may possibly be like can actually relieve your
fear.
3- Communicate with your fear. It’s obvious
that our fears do not make us feel good. But instead of saying ‘I don’t like
this feeling and I want to get rid of it as soon as possible.’, close your eyes
when you feel fear and realize your physical sensations. Observe your body.
Notice the rhythm of your heart beat and your breathing. Take a few deep
breaths and ask yourslef: ‘What are you trying to tell me?’ Your subconscious
tries to protect you. It sends you the feelings as messages in order to protect
you. When you receive the message given by your system, the frequency of fear
will decrease. (For instance fear of getting sick may try to warn you about
your health that you have been neglecting for some time. Fear of death may signal
you that you are not living your life fully or fear of loneliness may try to
advise you to be friends with and love yourself.) This is not to say that it’s
always the case. However you’d better recognize that each fear has a warning
message for you.
4- Do not identify yourself with your fears.
‘I am not my fears.’ Therefore, I am not the voice in my mind (thoughts like
‘what will happen in the future?’, ‘what if I can’t succeed?’, and ‘what if I
become lonely?’ ‘What if I am dragged into a disaster? Etc.) ‘I am’ not this sensation
(heart-throbbing, sweaty hands, tension etc.) formed as ‘fear’ in my body. You
may even give it a name to separate yourself from your fear, such as ‘Pump’, ‘Chucky’
or ‘Dumdum’… Every time you experience the fear, you may say ‘Oh Chucky is it
you? Come and sit.’ Once you separate it from yourself, it will be much easier
to accept and observe it. You will realize the thoughts that cross your mind
each time you have this feeling. The timbre of the voices will fade as you
observe the issue. Because your observing state is much stronger than your
fearful state.
5- Face your fear. Fear might seem real but
you realize that it’s fake once you catch its eyes. (Fear=False Evidence
Appearing Real)
6- Fear can only
manifest where there is no love. Change your fear of future with the love of
life; fear of old age with the love of wisdom and change your fears about relationships
with the love and trust you feel for yourself.
7- Think about what
can happen when you overcome your fear. What will change in your life? How will
you be when you do not have this fear in your life any more? What will you do
differently? How will you be walking, how will you be talking?
8-Who is bigger?
You or your fear? Remember the story of black and white wolves:
Together with his
grandson, a wise Native American tribal chief watches the scuffling of a white
and a black wolf. The grandson asks why they need two wolves to protect the
tribe. The chief tells his grandson that one of them represents goodness while
the other represents evil and that their fight always reminds him about the
struggle of goodness and evil that prevail in human beings. The grandson feels
curious and asks: ‘So who wins the fight?’ And the chief answers: ‘The one we
feed, son…’
You amplify your
fear if you focus on it. Yet if you observe it and understand what it warns you
about, then your fear will quietly leave the place.
