When you are on the road, you are nobody. None really knows who you are and you are important to none (unless you spend some time together and become significant for them). Becoming none is partially freeing and partially scary and alone… When I am on the road, I am out of my daily routine and definitely out of my comfort zone and this uneasiness leads me to think, reflect, and let go of the unnecessary garbage that I am holding on to. Every destination frees my soul and inspires me to fully open my arms and accept what may be… My heart fills with joy and I enjoy my role as none. Absolutely none.
It was on a rainy day last winter in Istanbul. I was sitting on the couch in my yoga studio, kind of feeling the uneasiness when I feel at times of necessary change. I suddenly recognized that it was exactly the same sensation that I felt many years ago when I decided to go to New Zealand: I had to go. This realization was like an ice water splash on my face. All my protective agencies rushed into my system as worrying thoughts, of course! "What about your career? What about the classes and sessions? What about your clients? How will you tell people? How will you make money? Is your husband going to be ok with that? You are so busy, how will you detach from so many things? But you will miss your friends and this place… It won't be easy." Blah blah blah… Compared to the enthusiasm I was feeling inside when I imagined myself hitting the road, this chattering was too small; almost insignificant.
I immediately rushed into our office room where my husband was quietly meditating. I spilled it all out all at once. As the cool guy he is, he smiled. (I never said it was going to be easy to put up with me but I guess he already knew that.) As he is immune to my even-though-seemingly-abrupt-but-when-you-think-about-it-usually-sane-ideas by now, he drew us a financially sustainable savings plan and we started planning to hit the road for a couple of months…
This one is from Bodrum